OH YEAH! I’M JUST EATING LAWN CLIPPINGS! THIS IS SO VEGAN! ALL MY FRIENDS WITH BACHELOR’S AND/OR MASTER’S DEGREES WHO INEXPLICABLY WORK AT WHOLE FOODS WITH ME ARE GOING TO BE SO JEALOUS OF HOW FREAKISHLY VEGAN THIS IS!
(via thegoodgrammarian)
in the year 6057
- historian: over the last few years we have explored most parts of the prehistoric "the internet" and have come across a gathering of young adults called "tumblr".
- historian: we discovered a large amount of "slash" which has lead us to believe that 99% of 21st century humans were homosexual. we do not yet understand how the species managed to surivive
- historian: we also uncovered a never before seen language on "tumblr". Words and phrases such as "omg", "wat", "this shit cray" and "yolo" have been deciphered, but more complex sentences such as "dslfajsdlj no stop i can't evensldfjaldjaf" have yet to be understood
OH LOOK, I’VE DIED. WHAT A RELIEF. NOW I CAN FINALLY GET AWAY FROM THAT FUCKING ‘STOP KONY’ VIDEO.
The second and last one made me laugh WAYYY more than they should have xD
(Source: vimeo.com)
FACT: When a gay man has anal sex, rainbows come out of his unicorn’s ass.
Upon becoming a registered gay man you are assigned a unicorn.
jealous.
I traded in my unicorn for a lifetime supply of gay cruises.
(Source: factsaboutqueers)
WHAT AM I DOING IN HERE, TENNISON? QUITE SIMPLE, REALLY. I OWN THIS DRAWER, LIKE I OWN THIS COMPANY, AND I WILL OCCUPY WHATEVER PORTION OF THE COMPANY I FEEL LIKE, WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE, AND UNLESS YOU CAN FIND ‘EXPLAINING MY ACTIONS TO SLACKJAWED, BUNGLING ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES’ SOMEWHERE ON MY C.V. I SUGGEST YOU SIT DOWN AT THAT DESK I GRACIOUSLY ALLOW YOU TO HAVE AND STOP WASTING MY TIME WITH YOUR BABBLE. IF I WANTED TO BE DISAPPOINTED BY YOUR SEMI-COHERENT RAMBLING I’D CALL A SALES MEETING.
NOW WHERE ARE THOSE REPORTS I ASKED FOR?
STOP LOOKING AROUND, YOU TIT. I’M SITTING ON THEM. HOW DID YOU GET THIS JOB? AM I YOUR FATHER? DO YOU HAVE BLACKMAIL PHOTOS OF ME? CAN YOU EVEN READ, TENNISON?
I’M GOING TO GO DOWN TO 14 AND SLEEP IN THE 11”X17” PAPER TRAY IN THE COPY ROOM. I’LL BE BACK AT 3 AND I EXPECT YOU’LL HAVE THE SECOND QUARTER PROJECTIONS COMPLETED AND FAXED OVER TO MARTY.
